Goodbye Old Friend

She had been a good friend for many years but sadly she died.  They said it was just “old age”.  I called her Bertha, although no one really recalled here true name… the one she was given when she first appeared on earth.  Bertha didn’t really work for me but she did help me in many ways. Diligently, she copied my manuscripts, with true attention to detail.  She never complained and was always eager to get a job done for me any time I required her services. 

I remember when we found her.  My wife saw a small classified ad in the Saturday paper extolling Bertha’s virtues and suggested we take a look.  Maybe she could be of some help in my small business.  Bertha wasn’t very fancy, no sparkles or frills or shiny gimcracks, just plain down to earth ruggedness.  I will miss Bertha.  It will be hard to replace her, but replace her I must. 

I moved from Ontario to British Columbia a few years ago and Bertha steadfastly refused to stay behind.  I carefully packed her possessions… got into the old Buick and started our journey, west.  Upon our arrival in B.C., and after unpacking, I gave Bertha a chore; she jumped right to it.  I couldn’t have asked for a more faithful friend. 

On a Saturday night a few weeks ago when Bertha sighed, wheezed and died, I was there by her side.  I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears… this couldn’t be.  Was my Bertha really gone?  I decided to put our relationship behind me and I sought a replacement.  Although, I knew no one could really ever take Bertha’s place, I really needed help with my work.  You see, I became a writer in the last few years and I needed help more than ever before.  As I worked through my grief and looked at her resume I found her real name… she was called, Canon PC-25.  Not a very sexy name but she had been a workhorse of a photocopier.

The search for Bertha’s replacement was long.  I prowled the office supply and equipment stores.  You know, they just don’t make copiers like they used to.  Oh, they copy in colour, scan pictures into the computer and fax messages alright, but when I picked up one of these new-fangled-all- in-one contraptions, the heft just wasn’t there.  It had taken two of us to move Bertha, but this new one I could pick up and shove around by myself.  Yes, I did miss old Bertha.  The one which took my eye was a Jimcrack SL 4000.  It had flashing buttons, dark windows, shiny chrome trim and hummed when I turned it on.  Not only would it copy, scan and fax but, if it were placed in the kitchen, it promised to fry eggs, whip up a cake, scour the dirty dishes and clean up the counter.  Now that was a machine to grace any office. I used my handy-dandy little digital camera to take her picture and went home to show it to my wife.  She asked me why she would need a Jimcrack SL 4000 around the kitchen when she had me… and she had already paid for me.  I finally settled on another Canon, a super-sensitive-sleek-black-plastic thing.  It works well and it does everything the manual says it will do.  However, the other night, when I inadvertently called her “Bertha” she immediately snapped her lid shut on my fingers, went into standby mode and pouted for an hour.  Just like my wife did one night when I inadvertently called her by an old-girlfriend’s name.

Pixi and I, that is my pet name for my new Canon copier, have become friends and we now have an understanding.  If I feed her paper, keep her ink cartridges filled and don’t call her Bertha she will perform all my copying, scanning and faxing duties.  

Ain’t life grand?   

“Goodbye Old Friend” has been re-printed with the author’s permission and is subject to all current copyright laws.

Bill Peckham
See Never Hang Wallpaper With your Wife on www.trafford.com
Author of While You're Waiting... a book of short stories.
Both books are available from the author. – e-mail a request for your choice.